No, Chaka, leave the egg alone!!!

So, I was at my brother's this past weekend while he very graciously fixed my brakes for me. And thank goodness for that! I had a warped rotor that made it feel like I was in a space shuttle struggling to re-enter the atmosphere whenever I braked. Anyway, I mostly spent the day reading and trying to polish off Breaking Dawn before the summer semester starts and I have to limit my reading to textbooks. At some point, the kids were flipping channels and they came across one of my very most favorite shows from my childhood - Land of the Lost! They were have a marathon on some channel (can't remember which one).

Oh my word. Seriously? What crap it was. I mean, I remember it being really cheesy and fake. That was part of the appeal, I think. But did I realize how bad the acting was? I'm not sure I did. Or how the eyeliner wearing brother looked old enough to be Holly's father? Wow. I remember Chaka being my favorite. The two episodes I caught pieces of were the one where Chaka tries to steal the Tyrannosaur's egg and it hatched. Holly tried to get the baby back to his mother by urging it follow her. Yeah, because baby dinosaurs don't come out of the shell carniverous. They're friendly. Like little dogs. The other one was where Holly was some kind of psychic and something about green rocks.

I don't know, I went back to reading about vampires and werewolves. Much more realistic :) The kids, interestingly enough, were glued to the television. So maybe I wasn't a complete moron as a child. Even these kids with exposure to truly amazing visual technology were attracted to the train wreck of Sid & Marty Krofft.

Oh, the irony

I know! Let's print on both sides of a postcard and mail it out to 100,000 faculty and staff members to remind them to cut down on excessive paper usage!!!

Freaktique Roadshow

For my first installment of Freakshow Friday, I am proud to present - Freaktique Roadshow!!! When I saw this driving down the street Wednesday night, I wasn't really sure what I was even looking at. The first thing that caught my attention was what turned out to be a horse's ass sticking out of the would-be ass area of the car. When we pulled up behind it at a stoplight, I initially thought the horse's ass was some kind of skull with a ponytail coming out of the top, wrapped in pink sequined material. It wasn't until further inspection that I realized the horsey reality. As my eyes moved upward and I took in the rest of the madness, my overall impression was that the car was straight out of Escape from New York. When the light changed, I knew I had to pull along side and see who in theee hell was driving this shit.

It got even freakier as I pulled to the right side of the vehicle and realized it wasn't a truck, as I had originally intuited, but a wagon-ish type thing with a structure built up on the top of it adorned with random cheap-ass crap. Trophies, Barbie cars (with Barbie driving them!), stuffed animals...oh my! And pinstriped with Benjamin Franklins. The driver? An old man.

I was so ....awestruck, I really had no choice but to pull out the cell phone camera. But, alas, it was too dark and my celly doesn't have a flash. Clearly, the only rational thing to do was to follow him until he pulled in somewhere. I longed for him to pull into a lit parking lot and not the front of a house. And sure enough, he did. He pulled up right in front of the local Dollar Tree. I waited for him to go inside and jumped out to take these quick photos just for ya'll. Because, honestly, I don't think you can really understand the freakishness without photographic documentation.

Behold...

In the above picture unfortunately you can't really see the horse's ass which Ioriginally thought was a skull, but you can faintly make out the sequins. Notice Jesus Christ Superstar (or is it Hulk Hogan) with arms outstretched. Is the cheap-ass armor plating in preparation for Armageddon?


In this picture, we see the horse's head adorned with a tiara and hip yellow sunglasses. There also appears to be false headlights or eyes affixed to the armored plating. I'm wondering if this is akin to some insects having false eyes to throw off predators.


The driver's side of the car features the red Barbie Volkswagen and a Rottweiler on Duty. Here you can see the built up structure atop the car. And don't forget the Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll!!!

And lastly, on the passenger side, we can clearly see, it's all about the Benjamins. It's not crystal clear in this photo, but there appear to be Angels on Board at the front of the vehicle. And this side features the Bubblegum Pink version of Barbie's favorite VW. Oh, and check the Ming Dynasty vases with the lovely Christmas pointsettias on either side of the rear along with twin flags to show that he is proud to be an American where freaks are free to fly their flags high!

4 year olds are funny

Me (to 13 year old daughter): Hey, why don't you see if you can find me a pizza coupon.

4 year old daughter: Oh! Oh! I know where one is! [runs off to bathroom] Here you go!

100 Things About Me

*This is an old list, but I've updated it somewhat. I have nothing else to post about today so here you go...
**Updating again (on 1/4/13), since it's been three and a half years!

100 Things About Me

1. I am disturbingly attracted to things that are pink.
2. I don’t like talking on the phone.
3. I talk to myself. Regularly.
4. I sing in the car. Loudly.
5. I think Grey’s Anatomy is television chocolate. **It still is!!
6. I’m a soccer mom and proud of it. **Sadly, this is no longer true. I think I'll be a baseball grandma next!
7. But I don’t drive a mini-van.
8. I fully intend to own a convertible something or other someday. **Done!
9. I love most anything if it’s chocolate.
10. Especially men, but that may be TMI.
11. I have worked as a mystery shopper. Shhhhhh!
12. My biggest death-fear is smothering.
13. I love candles.
14. My favorite place to be is in a hot bath.
15. I’m terrified of sharks.
16. And bodies of water where I can’t see my feet.
17. I get motion sick easily.
18. I love dogs.
19. I believe in the power of a woman’s intuition.
20. I'm a feminist and proud of it.
21. Black cats are my favorite. 
22. I once took a Dale Carnegie course on public speaking.
23. I tried college twice, but quit before I finished a full semester both times. *I am currently back in school and doing quite well :)
24. I suck at mailing things.
25. If I could eat birthday cake every day and not gain any weight, I totally would. **Ok, turns out I would do this regardless of the weight thing. Cake is fucking good!!
26. My parents are both diabetic. **And I am apparently pre-diabetic. Evil fucking cake!!
27. My favorite song of all time is a toss up between “Best of My Love” by The Emotions, "Adore" by Prince and "Spend My Whole Life" by Shirley Murdock. **All three of these bring the same person to mind
28. I suffer from occasional insomnia.
29. I lived in my roller skates from the time I was 10 until I turned 12.
30. I am shamelessly addicted to reality TV.
31. I am a “winter”.
32. I occasionally suffer from short-term obsessions with video games. **Not as often anymore.
33. I think I have the most gorgeous kids on the planet. **Because I DO! Duh.
34. And the most talented.
35. But I might sell them to the gypsies if the price was right ;)
36. I collect shot glasses from wherever I travel.
37. I have a complete set of China that my dad bought oversees when he was in the Navy.
38. I love things that sparkle.
39. I have Flintstone feet. **But, they're totally cute!!
40. I love football and the boys who play it.
41. Go Redskins!
42. I don’t feel as short as I am.
43. Barney grew on me.
44. The Teletubbies did not.
45. Give me Spongebob any day.
46. I am helplessly addicted to sunflower seeds. **But, I'm in recovery.
47. I blog because it forces me to exercise my brain.
48. I do not believe that there are horrific karmic repercussions for not forwarding chain emails to 10 of my friends and associates.
49. I love having my eyebrows plucked.
50. I am not afraid to wear red lipstick.
51. I lived in Virginia for 2 years.
52. I was my high school mascot (a Scotty dog). Go Highlanders!
53. I believe in ghosts.
54. I have lupus. **Or fibromyalgia, the jury is still out
55. I am an optimist.
56. Coke over Pepsi, any day.
57. I’m a natural brunette, but I’ve pulled off blonde, red and nearly black.
58. I am decidedly non-religious.
59. I love a good thunderstorm.
60. I drink my coffee black.
61. MSG gives me migraines.
62. According to several unsolicited sources, I “look really good” for my age.
63. I always wanted to have 4 kids. Now I do, plus one "bonus" child.
64. I always wanted to be rich too. Still working on that.
65. I believe my soul mate is still out there. **Found him!!
66. I hate gardening with the passion of 10,000 fiery suns.
67. I love all fashion, but I’m a sucker for cute shoes.
68. I have two brothers and one sister.
69. I don’t cry during weddings, funerals or Hallmark commercials.
70. I have freckles.
71. My eyes change colors depending on what I’m wearing.
72. If laughing out loud were a sport, I’d be an Olympic gold medalist.
73. If I had more free time, I’d take a class in painting or photography. *Currently enrolled to begin a photography class next semester... **Currently pursuing a degree in Photography!!
74. When I retire, I want to live by the water, preferably a lake.
75. I want to run a marathon someday. Or at least a 5k :) **Probably not gonna happen with these knees.
76. I’m harder on myself than I should be.
77. I can’t eat pancakes unless they have chocolate chips in them.
78. The toenail on my pinky toe looks like something truly deformed.
79. I have ADHD.
80. One of my brothers is a Marine.
81. I can be crafty when I want to be. Not the Beastie Boys kind. Well, actually...
82. I learned how to knit a few years back, but I still haven’t finished my first scarf.
83. I enjoy reading, but mostly inconsequential stuff.
84. When I was a teenager, I hated my hometown. Now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
85. I’ve lived in 12 different apts/houses since moving out of my mom’s house at the age of 20 but I’ve never moved “back home”. **Make that 14 and counting.
86. I started working at the age of 14 so I could save for my first car.
87. My first car was an orange ’74 Super Beetle.
88. My parents eloped.
89. My grandfather was taken prisoner by the Japanese in World War II at the battle of Wake Island, even though he was a civilian, and was held for 1,444 days.
90. I graduated high school in 1988.
91. I don’t know how I lived before TIVO. **DVR - Tivo is so yesterday ;)
92. I was blessed with naturally straight teeth.
93. Every once in a while, I make breakfast for dinner. Chocolate chip pancakes anyone?!
94. My first love was a drug addict.**My soul mate is a recovering addict. Same guy! True story. :)
95. I often have weird bruises that I have no idea how I got. My theory is alien abduction.
96. I admire people who stand up for their beliefs, even if I don’t agree with them.
97. I love to dance.
98. High heels make me feel more confident than I normally would.
99. I am a very vivid dreamer.
100. I’ve never been outside of the continental United States. I hope to change this one someday.

Would you like eggs with that?

My Mother's Day breakfast in bed...


Note the cute little syrup carafe in the upper left hand corner...that's really a toothpick holder. :)

Talking with my mouth full!

Just came back from the dentist's office where I had a temporary filling replaced. You know what I really hate? When the dentist and the assistant are having a conversation over my face and I really have something to interject, but I can't! Man, that's tough for me.

Let's be real

If I'm being honest, then I will tell you that I have spent the majority of my life trying to make people happy. Including myself, but mostly others. Because when push comes to shove, I put myself last. The consequence of this lifestyle is that one day you realize you are almost 40 and have no idea who you are or what you stand for. Ok, I realized this a couple of years ago, actually, and today I stand much closer to my own truth. But I still have a ways to go. A long, long, hideously long way.

My past blog posts have been more about incidental things that caught my interest or ideas that popped into my head and screamed "blog me!" And there will still be a lot of that, I'm sure. But I'm making a conscious, valiant effort from here on out to be more real and put stuff out there that I would normally be fearful of sharing because it doesn't please everybody.

My life is not always pretty. My life is hard much more often than it's not. Sometimes it's outrageously funny, too. Right now, I am ready to embrace the good, the bad and the unpretty and get on with it.

Walk with me. My shoes aren't comfortable, but they are fabulous :)